Captain's duty
by Haloa
Summary: Captain Kirk has to sacrifice himself for his crew...again! serie of one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

_**Sometimes a Starship Captain has to sacrifice his life or his love to save his crew...**_

"Okay, I can't, no, I can't do this!"

"Captain, we have no other option!"

"But …Doing this?"

"Jim! She is dying!"

"And YOU are the doctor, not me!"

"I know …But I can do nothing to treat her…she has stopped eating…She is suffering from depression!"

"No, never! I'm sorry but I refuse…"

"Captain, you have just to tell her that you …"

"Mr. Spock! I CAN'T do this! Do you understand?"

"James Tiberius Kirk! YOU are the only one who can make her eat again! Lt Sulu says that she will die soon, he is really worried…You have no other choice than tell her you like…no, you LOVE her!"

"But ….She's a flower! A stupid carnivorous plant!"

"Well…In fact she is a sentient plant with emotions …"

"And it's you, my Vulcan friend, who say this? Am I the only one sane on this ship?"

"Keep calm, Captain …Jim."

"Okay …Okay …I give up. *sigh*…Ouch! Bones! Don't push me! I said I will go!"

"Come on Jim! The Botanic laboratory is in the opposite direction!"

"I know…I know…I surrender."

_**And sometimes a starship captain has to just sacrifice his pride…**_

"Thank you Captain! I'm so happy that you came …*sob*… to save my poor Gertrude!"

"Well…*sigh*…If I can help you, Lt Sulu…"

"Come Captain, she is here!"

"Yes. Yes …I follow you."

_**And two minutes later…**_

"Well…Gertrude…You are the most beautiful flower in this universe and …ahem…I like your purple petals and… this noise you make when you seem to laugh…Well…I love you!"

"HiiiHiiii …*smack* …*smack*…Hiiii…*mwah*"

"It works! It works! Oh thank you, Captain!"

"This is crazy, Jim! Ahahaha…You have a true gift to attract females of any species…Ladykiller!"

"Bones! Shut up!*sigh*"

_**Yes, sometimes…A Starship Captain has to sacrifice himself…**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sometimes, a Starship Captain has to use his charm to save his crew or to complete a task successfully!**_

**One day in McCoy's office.**

"Hi Bones! You wanted to see me?"

"Um…Yes, Captain…Jim…Please! Sit down."

"There is a problem?"

"Yes, Jim."

"Oh…Someone is ill? …Is it me?"

"Well…No, Jim. You're perfectly healthy, like everyone aboard this ship…Jim, it is your mother…"

"My mum? … Where is she? In which hospital? Bones! Tell me!"

"No…No…Jim. Your mother is fine! She called me this morning…Well…You know, she is really happy to be a grandmother…And she really likes diversity…But…"

"Huh? Bones! Why do you tell me all of this? Explain yourself!"

"Well…Jim…Um…You know, the big lie about sailors is that they have a girl in every port…Well…For you, it's not a big lie…It's a big problem… The first time a woman has claimed that she was pregnant with your child, your mother was really happy. Then, another woman and another again…Jim …Do you remember Elaan?"

"Elaan…from Elas?"

"Yes, Jim…"

"Elaan…which is now the spouse of the leader of Troyius?"

"Yes, Jim! This Elaan! How many Elaan did you meet in your life? …*sigh*…Stop to count! …Please…*sigh*…Well, since our last encounter, she has given birth to a beautiful and strong baby boy…Humanoid kind…Pink skin…No green skin…"

"No green skin?"

"No, Jim…So, Like I already said, your mother is a really happy grandmother, she likes all her grandchildren scattered in the Galaxy…She told me again this morning that when they are all together, you know, this is like a rainbow around her… purple hair, pink skin or blue skin, with or without antennas…But ENOUGH is ENOUGH, Jim!"

"But…I did not know that I had all these kids! I swear!"

"Jim! Shut up and sit down! Well…Ahem…In brief, your mother and I have decided that you must have a vasectomy!"

"Whaaaat? Nooo! …oh no!"

"Jim! Come back here ! Jim ! …Shit! ...*sigh*…Too late!"

"A problem, Doctor McCoy?"

"Oh Spock...I didn't see you coming…Sorry but …Well, Jim ran away before I tell him that it was just an April Fool!"

"Oh…It's unfortunate that he ran away…I had calculated the alimony…"

"Well…Spock…We have until midnight to tell him it is a joke!"

_**Yes, sometimes, a Starship Captain has to use his charm…But be careful …There are consequences!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Captain's duty III**

_**Somewhere, on a faraway planet.**_

"Spock! How could you remain so calm? We are in this cell since …"

"Two hours, twenty-six minutes and nineteen seconds…"

"Spock! Did you forget that Jim has been taken away! Help me to find a way to escape! Are you not worried about what they will do with our friend?"

"Well, Doctor…In fact, I'm not!"

"Huh?...How could you be so emotionless! Is he not your friend?"

"I didn't say that Jim is not my friend, Doctor. I said that I'm not worried about his safety."

"Explain yourself!"

"Doctor, where are we?"

"Uh …We are in jail!"

"You're right, Doctor…But on which planet?"

"Spock…You scare me! Are you suffering from amnesia or something else?"

"Please, Doctor. Answer me!"

"Well…I think that the planet is called … uh…Amazing VI or Amazong IX …I forgot!"

"Doctor…We are on Amazoon IV…"

"Amazoon IV …And …Is it a good thing?"

"Yes, Doctor McCoy …It is a good thing. *sigh*. And why is it a good thing?"

"Sorry, Spock…I'm lost…Are you sure that you're not going crazy? …Forget the question…Please, enlighten me!"

"Listen, Doctor. Try to follow my reasoning! The inhabitants of this planet are also called Amazons…"

"Like the legendary Amazons women warriors?"

"Yes, Doctor. And as in the legend, women rule this world …and men!"

"…But …How can it be reassuring to know that Jim is now with their leader…Oh …I see! Their leader is a pretty woman! Spock! This is wonderful!"

"I can't assure you that the woman is pretty …"

"Spock! With Jim's luck, she is pretty! And in this case, we surely will be at home before lunch!"

"Well, I have estimated that it has taken him eight minutes to seduce her, then thirty-four minutes to …You know…and then he has succeeded to escape after that the lady fell asleep …"

"Spock, should he not be already there if your calculation is correct?"

"Doctor…he has to find the cell in which we are prisoners …So I have calculated that he will arrive in 4,3,2,1 …"

"Bones? Spock? It's Jim …Are you fine?"

"Wow! Spock! You are really amazing!"

"An Amazon? Where is she?"

"No, Jim …*sigh* …I said SPOCK is AMAZING!"

"Oh …hey guys! …I have found the key of your cell...Come on!"

"Sure, Jim ...You have found the key …You find always the right key for the right lock, do you?"

"Huh?"

"…Forget what I said…*sigh*…Ladykiller."


	4. Chapter 4

**The gamble.**

"Hi Captain! This is always a pleasure to see your smiling face in Sickbay but why are you here? Are you ill?"

"Nope! I come in order to greet a friend and to discuss something with him."

"Oh …This seems to be a serious matter. So, what is this?"

"Well…Bones, I'm tired of your insinuations about me and women. I don't kiss all women whose I cross paths, you know. And since I'm going on a mission on Pegasus VII and you won't be with us, I want to bet with you. I bet 500 credits that I manage this diplomatic mission without seducing one woman! Spock is going with me so he can be our witness!"

"Um…Well, Spock is Vulcan. He is unable to lie… I agree."

"Ok."

**Two days later, in McCoy's office.**

"Thank you for the 500 credits, Bones! …Well, gentlemen, I have a job to do so I leave you here my friends!"

"Yeah, yeah, you succeeded this time. Go away!"

"Spock. You testified that no woman fell in Jim's arms during the last two days …You're sure of this!"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"Well…*sigh*…It's surprising but he did it!"

"Doctor McCoy. May I ask you why you find this fact so surprising while obviously it was not unexpected?"

"Uh, Spock, what do you mean by _obviously not unexpected_?"

"Doctor…*sigh*. Did you read the preliminary report about Pegasus VII and its inhabitants?"

"Uh, no time. It appears that someone has accidentally erased this mail from my computer…"

"Well…I think that you should have read it closely on another computer, like in the briefing room, for example…"

"Because …"

"Because you should have learned that there is no woman on Pegasus VII …"

"What? No woman?"

"None…Since that the last woman has died one hundred and twenty-eight years ago…"

"But, this is nonsense, Spock! How did they manage to reproduce?"

"In fact, births on Pegasus are numerous. But…Men only use the cloning and artificial incubators."

"Cloning …and Jim knew it! …He has CHEATED! Jiiiiiim! Come back here!"

**One hour later, on the bridge.**

"Oh. Good evening Mr Spock."

"Good evening Mr Scott."

"Uh…Commander. May I ask you one question?"

"Yes, Chief-engineer?"

"Do you know why Dr McCoy is chasing the Captain in all the ship with a whole host of hyposprays? Don't you think we should intervene?"

"And take the risk of being the Doctor's new target?"

"Yeah …Definitely not a good idea!"

_**The end.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Captain's duty IV**

**RULE n° 1**

**The Enterprise revolved around Eneerie, a planet newly discovered by the Federation. For its inhabitants, to join the Federation was not for granted but actually the negotiations went fine. Then …Captain Kirk and his First Officer arrived.**

**The ship was short of dilithium crystals and since Eneerie was in fact a great open pit of dilithium, this was correct to assume that this planet was a logical destination. This was actually written in Spock's report, word for word, among other things!**

**Mr. Scott was impatiently waiting for his Captain and Mr. Spock in the transporter room. They got down two hours ago and already they have requested to be beamed up aboard the ship!**

**Doctor McCoy was so surprised that he ran to the same room, his tricorder in hand!**

"**Where are they? What happened, Scotty?"**

"**Relax Doctor! Their message did not say that they encountered some problems! …But I am also surprised that they called so soon… I have understood that they have been invited in the anthill by the King and his Queen…Anthill is the good term, right?" Scotty asked.**

"**Well, I suppose. Spock said that the inhabitants of this planet are like giant bipedal ants!"**

"**Um …I am glad to be stayed aboard the ship! I hate ants!" Scotty added.**

**Two minutes later, Spock and Jim Kirk appeared on the transporter pads. Spock's face was as usual unreadable but McCoy could sense by his posture that he was furious! Beside him, Jim Kirk was like a five years old child who made a stupid thing.**

"**Captain Kirk! Spock! Did you succeed to buy some dilithium crystal at a good price? I hope that you did because without a new crystal we can't leave this orbit, you know! This was already a miracle to arrive so far… " Scotty said.**

"**Uh…"**

"**Captain Kirk?"**

"**Well…Ask to Mr. Spock, Scotty!" Kirk said. His face was red like a tomato.**

"**Mr. Scott, I have got our crystal of dilithium."**

"**Good…But you bought only one crystal, Sir?"**

"**In fact, Mr. Scott, King Eely gave us the crystal in exchange of one promise: to NEVER return on the ground of Eneerie! Thank our Captain!" Spock explained to the chief-engineer while looking at Jim.**

"**Oh Spock, I already told you that I was sorry…"**

"**What?" McCoy shouted, "Jim! You ruined the negotiation with the King? What happened? Spock?"**

"**Well. I explain." Spock began. "…After our arrival, we have been escorted by two guards of the colony in the throne room. Captain Kirk and I were welcomed by King Eely and Queen Eela…And Jim made the mistake of offering his thanks to Queen Eela by calling her **_**'King Eely'**_**. In fact, he has confounded the two."**

"**This is understandably, the two names are similar!" Scotty intervened.**

"**Yes. But …Like I have explained precisely in my report, part II, paragraph 3b, distinguish the King and his Queen was easy. First of all, the male ant is black and the female is red! " **

"**Uh…There was a paragraph 3?" Jim frowned.**

"**Captain Kirk, there was a paragraph 3 and 4 and 5 …" Spock said trying to contain his anger.**

"**Ok…Jim forgot this information, this is not dramatic…"McCoy said, trying to excuse his friend.**

"**Please, Doctor McCoy, let me finish! As Queen Eela explained to Jim his mistake, our Captain and friend turned toward me and said loudly…"**

_Flashback…_

"Mr. Spock, I have understood that males of this species were fatter than their females…"Jim said to his First officer, only a few inches of distance from the Queen who had approximately the same size than her husband.

"WHAT? Did he say that I am FAT?!" Queen Eela shouted then quickly added: "Do you know, human, how many larvae I had in the last year! I have given birth to six hundred larvae in one day! And do you know how many diets I have followed since that day in order to lose that weight?"

"Please, my Queen, keep your calm …I am sure The Captain did not want to insult you, Darling!"

"I am NOT FAT! Okay? …GUARDS! TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME!"

"Queen Eela! I am so sorry…I did not want to…" Kirk began to say but the two guards threatened him with a sword.

"OUT!" Queen Eela shouted again.

_Back in present…_

"**Then, we returned at our coordinates of our arrival, accompanied by the guards and the King himself! King Eely ordered us to go away as far as possible from his planet and his wife. I had to remind him that without a minimum of energy, the ship couldn't leave its orbit. So King Eely gave us this small crystal of dilithium in exchange of the promise to never return! …But I reassure you, this prohibition is only addressed to the Captain Kirk and the negotiations with other ships of the Federation can continue…" Spock finished with a sigh of relief but two brown eyes were turned toward his captain. **

"**Jim! Let that be a lesson to you: always read Spock's report before a mission!" Doctor McCoy said as a sermon.**

"**Okay, Bones. Spock I am sorry …I promise to read all paragraphs of your report the next time."**

"**Well…Doctor McCoy. There is a second lesson to keep in mind : Rule n°1 : Never say to a female that she is fat, whatever the species!" Scotty added with a smile.**

**And three months later …**

**The Enterprise was in orbit around the space station 18. Spock, as other members of the alpha crew, was presently on holiday. When he heard that a concert of classical music will be played on the station, he decided to invite the Lieutenant Uhura for accompany him. As he walked in the corridor to join Nyota in her quarters, he encountered Jim and Scotty who were on their way to join Bones in Sick bay for a game of poker!**

"**Wow, Spock! You are nice in this smoking! So …Tonight you have a date with Lt Uhura, right?" Jim said to his Vulcan friend who frowned while hearing the word 'date'."**

"**Jim, I have only invited Nyota because I know she could be interested by this concert…I am a musician and she is a good singer, so it was logical to …" Spock explained.**

"**Yes, logical…of course." Scotty added.**

**Two minutes later, the three men were at Uhura's door. Spock pushed the buzzer and waited. **

**Nyota opened the door and looked at Spock and his friends.**

"**Wow Miss Uhura, you're beautiful!" The chief-engineer said.**

"**I agree with Scotty! This black silky dress fits you perfectly …well, all in black you shine as a myriad of stars!" Jim said with his charming smile.**

"**Indeed, Lieutenant Uhura. This dress gives you a nice silhouette as it is known that black color slims…" Spock said.**

"**WHAT?! …Mister Spock! Did you say that I am FAT?!..."Nyota shouted, ready to explode like an erupting volcano!**

"**In fact, I only said that …"Spock tried to explain.**

"**I AM NOT FAT!"**

**While Jim was lying on the ground, laughing, Scotty ran to the first wall intercom he found.**

"**Mr. Scott to the Doctor McCoy…Uh …I think you should come here! … Mr. Spock has broken the rule number one!"**

_The end._


	6. Chapter 6

**The captain is the only one responsible…**

**Somewhere, on a distant planet…Captain Kirk, Spock and McCoy are exploring an outpost of the Federation which has been recently attacked by Klingons.**

"So, Bones?" Jim says.

"So …what?" The doctor asks, turned toward a body on the ground.

"Is he …dead?"

"No Jim, he is alive…"

"Uh …Really?"

"OF COURSE, JIM, HE IS DEAD!" McCoy cries. "He was hit in the head by a phaser! Look at this wall! His brain exploded and was ejected like a slice of bread in a toaster! Is it necessary to ask that stupid question, Jim? …No but you asked and I answered_: he's dead, Jim_ …Do you know how many times I said these four words, Jim?"

"Relax , Bones!"

"RELAX? Jim, I am a DOCTOR and I am SICK of this! Oh God, all I want is to prove that I can save a life! Just one life!" Bones cries, both his hands turned toward the green sky of the planet.

"Hum…Captain Kirk, I suggest to return aboard the Enterprise…I think the doctor needs a psychological help…Quickly!" Spock says.

**Two hours later that day, in Captain Kirk's office…**

"So …What is your diagnosis, Doctor Heinig?"

"Well …Captain…You have a problem… As the psychologist of this ship, my diagnosis is that your chief-surgeon is suffering from depression. You know, all his life turns around his job…and…well…these last months, all he did was to practice autopsies…"

"I know, I know…But is it my fault if we arrived too late each time we received a message of distress?"

"Well…I prescribe some antidepressants to the Doctor McCoy and a few psychotherapy sessions to lower his stress…"

"So …He is on sick leave?" Jim asks.

"Yes, Captain. I recommend that Dr M'Benga becomes your CMO for the time of his recovery. "

"Uh…Ok, if you think so…"

**One month later…**

"Captain Kirk to the engine room! Mr. Scott! I do not want to arrive too late this time! We need to increase our speed!"

"No, no, no! Captain! STOP! I have already given you the maximum speed! Moreover, if we continue at that speed the engines will explode, Captain! I can't let you do that to my babies!" Scotty cries, all his body shaking.

**And two hours later, in Captain Kirk's office…again.**

"So…Dr Heinig?"

"Well…You have another problem, Captain. Your chief-engineer is also suffering from depression…I recommend that he follows the same psychotherapy sessions than your previous CMO…"

"Uh …Ok, if you think so…"

**One month later, on the bridge.**

"Lieutenant Uhura!" Kirk shouts. "Are you saying that you pick up a distress message AGAIN?"

"Cap...Captain…I'm so sorry …" Nyota Uhura says, sobbing.

**And later that day…**

"I know, I know, Dr Heinig …She is suffering from depression!" Jim sighs.

"Yes, Captain…I'm sorry but you have to find another Communications Officer…"

"Ok…If you think so…"

**Two months later…In Dr Heinig's office.**

"Well…Ladies and gentlemen! Congratulations! You have made great progress by finding the source of your stress!" Dr Heinig says at the crew reunited in front of him.

"Yes, Dr Heinig! These therapy sessions help us a lot…" Sulu says, while stroking the 'head' of Gertrude, his favorite carnivorous plant.

"That's great to know we all agree…" Chekov adds, his face pale and his hands shaking.

"…But now…We have to tell Jim that he is responsible for our problem…" Dr McCoy says…"It would be easier for him to accept that truth if a friend tells him. Right, Spock?"

"…"

"Spock?" Bones asks, touching gently Spock's shoulder.

"Sorry, Doctor McCoy, but Mr. Spock is still in the trance he entered after his burn-out! "Dr Heinig says.

"Poor Mr. Spock!" Miss Uhura says.

**The end.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**An organic compound**_

_**Sometimes, a captain has to get dirty to be successful!**_

**One day, in the transporter room…**

"Spock, I'm surprised to see you so calm…"

"I'm Vulcan, Doctor. I'm calm in any circumstance."

"No doubt, Mr. Spock. But you forget that Jim is not Vulcan and when he will return from his mission, he will be mad at you! I'm willing to bet one month of salary that Jim will tear off your pointed ears as soon as he will be on board!"

"Doctor, if I understand you correctly, you're here for me! I thought you were waiting for Captain Kirk and his team, composed by three geologists and two security men. The fact that none incident has been reported makes your presence unnecessary! Your fears for the landing party or my ears are unfounded!"

"Well, Spock. In that case, I abandon you to your fate! You know where to find me if you need me!"

**Two minutes later…**

Spock was watching Captain Kirk while he was materializing alongside the five other members of his team. A foul odor had invaded the transporter room. That nauseating smell was bothering his nostrils despite his nearly flawless Vulcan control. Undoubtedly, that odor came from the crewmembers themselves. Their clothes were indeed covered with dirt and filth, from their waists to their muddy boots that left footprints all over the room while the team was evacuating the equipment from the teleport pads.

Spock noticed that his colleagues' faces were strangely colored in white, purple or red! Spock discovered immediately the reason. Several of his human colleagues had stop breathing in order to escape the smell that accompanied them! Some were just on the verge of fainting! Nevertheless, Spock was reassured to see that they bore no trace of blood or injury…But he was regretting deeply McCoy's absence, especially when he met the dark glare of his Captain.

"Gentlemen, go directly to the showers in the gym room! Don't run, walk single file…I don't want this nauseating odor spreading in all the decks of the ship! And by the way, please, call the cleaning team... All of you are off-duty for the next 24 hours!"

"Thank you, Sir. But …should you not accompany us?" A geologist asked.

"I'll join you in a few minutes, Mr. Hansen… First, I must make a tune with your superior officer…Mr. Spock, come here right now!"

oOOOo

"Yes, Captain?"

"Mr. Spock…when you were ecstatic this morning…"

"Captain, I'm Vulcan. Vulcans are not ecstatic …" Spock said, interrupting his Captain and friend.

"SPOCK, SHUT UP! Like I was saying…" said Captain Kirk while trying to calm down. "This morning when you were leaning your head over the scanner of your scientific console, you said that your scanner had revealed the presence of a very interesting organic substance with fascinating allelopathic properties, rich in nutrients such as nitrogen, phosphoric anhydride, potash and cellulose…Those are your exact words, aren't they, Mr. Spock?"

"Well, it's correct, Sir…" Spock replied while looking his smelling Captain approaching dangerously.

… _I'm willing to bet one month of salary that Jim will tear off your pointed-ears as soon as he will be on board…_

"Mister Spock…This substance was a MANURE HEAP!"

"Captain…I don't understand your reaction. I think that I had defined exactly this substance. Indeed, manure is an organic compound rich in nitrogen, phosphor…"

"MISTER SPOCK! We have sunk in this SHIT! We got stuck to the waist!" Kirk shouted in front of an imperturbable Vulcan although his ears were greener than usual.

"Captain, I see no logic in your reaction. Need I remind you that _you_ insisted to conduct this mission yourself, namely the collection of 22 lbs of that substance…Need I remind you that _you_ have chosen to teleport your whole team _directly_ on the site while I had expressly advised to beam down at the safe distance of 200 meters…"

"DAMN IT, SPOCK! … I feel like I want to tear your head off! …RHAAAAAA!" Jim screamed.

"My …head, Captain?"

**Two minutes later…again.**

Jim was still pacing up and down the transporter room, sometimes rolling his eyes. Spock was still straight on his feet, hands behind his back. Spock, looking at his furious Captain, made the mental note to never bet with the physician…

"Spock. I recognize that it's partly my fault. However, you could admit that sometimes you're a little too …well, forget it! At least, you obtained 22 lbs of that …compound. You may take it and do whatever you want with your microscope." Jim said. He was now calm and almost smiling.

"In fact, Captain. I only need 1.7 lb of that substance." Spock said.

"Uh…Only 1.7 lb, Mister Spock?"

"Yes, Captain."

"So, why did you ask for 22 lbs?"

"…"

"Spock! Answer me!"

"Yes, Captain…Well…20.3 lbs of this compound is for Lieutenant Sulu…It's the Birthday gift of Gertrude!"

"WHAT? GERTRUDE?! Are you saying that my men and I have crawled in that shit for a STUPID CARNIVOROUS PLANT?"

"Yes…Captain."

"Commander Spock!"

"Yes, Captain?" Spock asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Run, now!"

"Yes, Captain!" Spock said before running away in the corridor, closely followed by Captain James T. Kirk!

_**The end**_

…_Reviews are always appreciated…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Loneliness**

_Sometimes, a captain feels lonely…_

_**Dr McCoy's log, star date 3042.2**_

_In a few hours, I will receive Captain James T. Kirk in my office for another psychoanalytic session, following our last disastrous mission. For reminder, as we were answering a distress call from the planet Milkos V, the Enterprise found itself under the fire of a fleet of birds of prey and the biggest Klingon vessel never seen! The latter was heavily armed and apparently it was about to annihilate the entire planet! That situation was so desperate that Captain Kirk chose a desperate solution: the ultimate sacrifice by throwing the Enterprise against the hull of this big vessel! For the first time in his career, Captain Kirk ordered the evacuation of the Enterprise and also the abandon of his ship and himself! As might be expected, first, the bridge crew refused to obey him! Spock refused to give up his post and wished to follow his captain in his suicidal action! From what I understand, Jim had to remind him where his duty was. Indeed, Spock as First Officer had to lead the evacuation of the crew. He had to pilot one rescue shuttle, as Lieutenants Sulu and Uhura, Chief Engineer Scott and Ensign Chekov. He had to put them all at a safe distance then wait the explosion of both the Enterprise and the Klingon mothership! Of course, many shuttles would have been destroyed during their attempt to escape from the hangar…Then Spock would have transported the survivors on Milkos V and waited aid from Starfleet…_

_Jim had found himself alone on the bridge. With a heavy heart, he had observed the departure of the first shuttles on the main screen…without noticing the arrival of five Constitution class ships on his radar! These five vessels belonged to the Federation. Where do they come from? Had they received the same distress call? This did not matter. Upon entering the arena of the battle, birds of prey had flown away as their other big ship!_

_All the shuttles had returned without a scratch! Joy could be read on every face! Although he would never admit it, Spock had smiled! Yes, I could testify because I was with him aboard the Galileo…_

oOOOo

"Come in, Jim! Please, sit down…So, tell me what happened today? ...How do you feel?" Dr McCoy asked, taking his pen and his writing pad. The two men were sitting comfortably face to face.

"Bones, I'm fine! Honestly, I don't understand why I must undergo these sessions! It is not I who has a problem with what happened!" Jim said, scowling and pouting.

"So… no anxiety? No sorrow? No trouble to have been abandoned?"

"Bones, of course I was aware that I was going to die alone on the bridge…but for the hundredth time, they have only followed my orders!"

"Jim…Don't lie to me! I can see that you are uneasy…What is the problem?"

"Bones…I…I believe that the crew don't trust me anymore…They already think about the next time I will order to evacuate the ship! They get ready to leave…"

"Jim …We know that this situation was exceptional and will not happen again…not so soon!"

"…*sigh*…"

"Jim, answer me. What makes you think they prepare themselves for another evacuation?"

"Well…When I arrived this morning on the bridge, everyone was at his post. Spock was at the scientific console, Uhura at the communication console. Sulu and Chekov at the helm…and Gertrude, in its pot, was between the two."

"Uh…Gertrude, the green plant of Sulu?"

"Carnivorous plant, Bones!"

"Uh …Okay, What was it doing there?" Leonard asked as he scribbled some notes.

"Sulu took it with him this morning. He explained that in case of evacuation, he would not have to make a detour via the botanical garden to retrieve it!"

"Ok…One moment, please…" Leonard announced while pressing the button of his office intercom. "Uh…Nurse Chapel, please, contact Lieutenant Sulu and arrange an appointment with him…It's quite urgent!"

"Yes, Doctor!" answered the head nurse.

"Good…Jim, you can continue."

"…Ok…Sulu brought Gertrude, his stupid plant, on the bridge…and nothing special happened until my lunch break. Then, I return on the bridge…" Jim sighed.

"And…?" Leonard asked, scribbling more notes.

"…and I saw Spock, he had his Vulcan lyre beside him! He told me that as Lieutenant Sulu he preferred to take it with him, in case he would have to abandon the ship!"

"Well…I see…"

"Then I saw Scotty and his oldest bottle of Scotch! He told me that he couldn't leave the ship, leaving behind such a bottle of fifty years old! Do you realize, Bones? He can't abandon a FUCKING BOTTLE OF SCOTCH but he can abandon ME, his CAPTAIN and FRIEND!" Jim shouted, tears rolling down his face.

"I see… Come with me, Jim…" Dr McCoy said, trying to comfort his friend who was now crying on his shoulder.

oOOOo

A few minutes later, Mc Coy and Jim arrived on the bridge. McCoy observed silently Spock who was gently touching his lyre, Scotty who was kissing his old bottle of Scotch, Sulu who was watering Gertrude and the five suitcases beside the communication console who was deserted!

"Where is Lieutenant Uhura?" Jim screamed. "What does it mean? And don't tell me that she wants to evacuate with all her clothes!"

"Oh no, Captain! You're wrong. It is not her clothes…"Scotty replied calmly. "It is only her pairs of shoes!"

"All…All these suitcases…only for her pairs of shoes?" Jim asked, stunned and already on the verge of depression.

"Yes, Captain." The Vulcan officer said. "It seems that Lieutenant Uhura fails to choose between her red shoes, her black high heels, pink, crimson, blue, indigo blue…" Spock explained, detailing the content of the five suitcases…

oOOOo

"So, Doctor… what is your diagnosis?" Spock asked to Doctor McCoy. The two men were now in Sickbay, at Jim's side. The latter was lying down on a biobed, drugged with tranquilizing.

"He is suffering from depression, he fears of being abandoned again."

"Oh…Indeed…And do you finish your list?" The Vulcan asked while staring at the Doctor's writing pad.

"Not yet. I hesitate. Should I take my medical encyclopedia or my collection of antique surgical instruments? Well, in fact, it doesn't matter because we won't have to evacuate so soon, right? …However, there is still one thing that I don't understand…"

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Well…Why none of you reminded Jim that he could put the Enterprise on autopilot and go with us?"

**The end**


	9. Chapter 9

**Captain's revenge **

One day in the transporter room…

"Hurry up, Gentlemen! The High Council of Hybra V is already arrived at the meeting point. It would not be polite to be late, you know!" Captain Kirk said with a small smile on his face.

"Captain, I would like to make an official protest. I doubt that Doctor McCoy and I are your most qualified officers for that mission!" The Vulcan announced. His cheeks were greener than usual while taking off his blue tunic.

"For once, I agree with him, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a diplomat!" McCoy moaned. One black sock was in his right hand.

"Bones, it is not a diplomatic mission, although in some ways…Gentlemen, let me remind you, as a booster shot, that people of Hybra V are particularly hostile to the presence of foreigners on their planet, especially on the site of their religious services. To be exact, occasionally, they are not against some cultural or trade exchanges with members of the Federation …These people are very concerned about the environment, they fear that you damage their sacred place. That's why you can't take any extraction tool with you, not even a pocket knife! You need to be careful to the nature that surrounds you and don't forget that you only have the authorization to pick up rocks that are already on the surface. Got it? And to help you in your research, you will have one tricorder, which is also a medical scanner, Doctor."

"…_a pocket knife_…very funny! But, Jim, I still don't know what I'm doing here!" McCoy said, while putting his trousers neatly folded on the transporter console.

"Let me finish, Bones. In addition to prohibiting the teleportation of extraction machines or tools, the High Council has only accepted two aliens on their ground. Moreover, it's a request from the scientific Department to collect some rock samples from the Mount Hogire in order to study its proprieties, am I correct Mr. Spock?"

"You're right, Captain...As you know, Mount Hogire is now an extinct volcano. The composition of its soil is, I must say, fascinating enough to ask for its study even if the conditions required in return are very embarrassing."

"So, you admit that this landing party must be composed of at least one member of the Scientific Department, and given the small number of people who form this team, I have to choose the best…Spock, don't take that shade of green, YOU are the best choice for this mission!" Jim said, trying to keep his serious face.

"Okay. The green Hobgoblin should be sent to these cracked people. I understand. But, why ME?" McCoy asked again.

"Starfleet Regulations. A landing party, even a small one, must be composed of at least one member of the medical staff. The physiology of Spock being so special, YOU are the one able to treat him in case he gets injured!" Jim Kirk said, this time with a huge smile!

"Damn it, Jim! How can he be injured if he touches nothing? And, assume that he gets hurt, how could I treat him if I have only a tricorder with me?"

"I agree with Dr McCoy. A tricorder is inadequate!"

"I'm sorry but you will have a tricorder and a communicator for two!" Jim replied, voicing some chuckles.

"And obviously, besides being protectionist, these people are also naturist…Jim! Stop laughing!" McCoy screamed.

"Captain, I suspect that you take your revenge on us, given our previous missions…"

"Spock! That's obvious, even for you! You sent him swimming in manure and I had to give him no less than eight booster shots to prevent any skin diseases!" McCoy said. Like his dear Vulcan colleague, he was now stark naked in order to follow the custom of the inhabitants of Hybra V, according to the report they had received from Lieutenant Uhura.

"Gentlemen, you're going to be late to complain endlessly…However, I have to ask you a few questions. As a doctor, you told me once that nudity does not bother you…So, tell me Bones, what's wrong with the fact to be naked in front of all these people?"

"Jim…I swear that one day …" McCoy said, menacingly, his hands crossed in front of his crotch.

Then Captain Kirk, behind the console of the transporter, asked to his First Officer: "Spock, why you carry the tricorder around the waist rather than on your shoulder? And why is it you who carry it?"

"Captain, don't play with my self-control…" He responded in a strange tone.

"The chance decided who would carry the tricorder and he won…" McCoy said, pouting. "I only carry the medical scanner which has the same size than a salt shaker!"

oOOOo

Five minutes after the departure of the two officers, Lieutenant Uhura accompanied by a young woman entered the transporter room.

"Captain Kirk! Where are Mr. Spock and Doctor McCoy? Oh please, don't tell me they have already been beamed down!" She said, the young woman hidden behind her. Her face was so red that Kirk thought she could explode!

"Uh …They left five minutes ago! Why? What is the problem?" Jim asked, innocently.

"Please, Captain, don't yell at me…I …I made an error while translating the customs of these people. They …They are protectionist but they aren't naturist…In fact, they protect their environment…the nature…I…I confounded the two words and …and I gave you a false translation of their habits…" The young woman explained. She was a cadet in training, recently arrived on the Enterprise.

"Captain Kirk, I don't understand what happened. I received her translation and made the right corrections myself! I sent you the second text in your quarters two days ago…But…It seems that it is the first report which was sent to Mister Spock and to the Doctor McCoy…Of course, as her superior officer, I take full responsibility for this mess…"

"Lieutenant Uhura…Uh…Don't be sorry…If Mr. Spock and Dr McCoy are now stark naked in front of the leader of Hybra V and his ministers …It is not due to an error of translation…"

At the same time, the communicator of Captain Kirk beeped. He opened his device and recognized who was on the other side!

"Spock to Captain Kirk …Spock to Captain Kirk…It seems that there is a misunderstanding …Captain, please, send us our uniform immediately!...Spock, give me that blasted thing…Jim, teleport us right now!" shouted McCoy.

"Bones, Spock, calm down…It was just a joke …" Jim explained, under the stunned gaze of Uhura and Cadet Lima.

"Captain…" Uhura intervened, "Did you really send the wrong report knowingly?"

"WHAT? Jimboy…#*^#&amp;…You're DEAD!" McCoy shouted as a volcano now in eruption!

_The end_


End file.
